Coffee is so good to me. Despite it's sweet magic in waking me up, it has been teaching me a lot recently about life and about God. God is also so good to me, and I know that it's Him that's been working through and redeeming these tragic coffee situations. So, here's my story about how a large latte with green sprinkles taught me about waiting for God's promises to come through in my life. Ephesians 3:20 (plus a little bit of 21, so that it makes sense) "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory." I recently made it into a new vocal jazz group starting up at my school, last Thursday was our first rehearsal. Usually I have an hour to go out and eat lunch, but we had rehearsal the 2nd half of lunch, so I only had 30 minutes. I thought 30 minutes would be plenty of time to drive to the coffee shop down the road, order a little lunch and a latte, and make it back in time.
I ordered soup and a small latte. When I went over to wait for my drinks I realized that the guy in front of me had ordered five drinks, including 4 lattes. Now, if you don't know, lattes done right take a couple of minutes each to make...especially if they're made right. My soup came right away, and with 10 minutes until I had to go, I realized my drink may not be made within those 10 minutes. I let my group know that I was being held up, but I really didn't want to be late to the first rehearsal. The barista was still working on the man's drinks when the time I thought I would leave came and passed. When she had a free moment before she started my drink. Frantically I explained that I was already running late and that I didn't have time to wait any longer. I asked if it would be okay if I came back after school to pick up the latte, and she said yes as I ran out the door. For the record, I made it to rehearsal right on time. I spent the afternoon thinking about my latte as my friends made fun of my coffee addiction. I ate my soup in sadness. When school was finally over, I drove back to the coffee shop. The same barista that I ran out on was still there. I had already paid for the small latte, but she asked me if I wanted a large. I said that she didn't need to do that for me. She asked again, "But do you want a large?". The inner coffee addict was screaming and leaping for joy within me as I said yes. As she was finishing the drink, she asked if I wanted whipped cream. I figured why not? She also added some sprinkles to make it extra special. As I walked to my car I started to think about what had just happened. At lunch I ordered a small latte, but I wasn't able to get it right then. I walked in after school expecting a small latte. After school I got a large white-chocolate latte with whipped cream and sprinkles. It just took time, and patience, and waiting. Isn't this exactly what God does for us, and what this verse in Ephesians is saying? There have been so many times where I have prayed and asked God to come through for me, but it wasn't right for it to come right away. Later on when the right time has come, we expect God to provide what we asked for. But God won't settle for small lattes. He wants to bless us in bigger ways. God answers prayers with abundance and surprises us with more than we asked for. Sometimes it takes patience and waiting, but in the end it's worth it because we grow stronger and God shows His love for us in a bigger and better way. He is so faithful to come through (in His timing) with immeasurable blessing. Keeping in mind, of course, that sometimes God blesses us in ways that we might not understand to be a blessing right away. I kept on thinking about the situation that had just unfolded, and I realized something else about this parallel. I'm a regular at this coffee shop. The barista knows that I am, and she probably did what she did to preserve the relationship that I have with them as a frequent customer. I'm flexible and understanding, and while what happened wouldn't have stopped me from going to that coffee shop, for some people it could've turned them away. Her gesture was most likely a way of showing the shop's appreciation for my business, and to ensure that I walked away happy. While we wait for God, some of us may grow tired of waiting. Some of us may get so frustrated that we never return to the coffee shop to get our drink, or even ever again. God knows that waiting can be really hard and that it can test the relationship that we have with Him. He blesses us with more than we ask to show His appreciation for our commitment to Him, and to make sure that we're in a right relationship with Him so that we keep coming back. Regulars in God's coffee house don't go unnoticed. They get blessed in abundance. All we have to do is ask, and wait to receive what God has in store for us. Start to expect immeasurably more, but always be humbled when God surprises you with His best. He loves you so much and He will not fail to go above and beyond in whatever way He sees fit.
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I started off the week by writing down my schedule on a dry erase calendar...and I was exhausted just looking at the week ahead of me. I was booked with practices, volunteering, youth groups, coffee dates, and orthodontist appointments. And then I get to Monday night, and I get one of those messages where you have to just sit back and laugh at your life a little bit. "My sheep is having her babies right now, so if I'm not there tonight that's why." This is my third year leading the worship team at my local church. There have been many times when people aren't able to make it to practice. Usually it's because of homework, another commitment, family stuff, or even a haircut. I got an email Monday night and actually had a conversation with a band member about a sheep who was currently giving birth to twin lambs. Anyway, that's how my crazy week started. Over the past few months I've discovered something about myself...I really struggle to say no to people. In a way, I'm a people pleaser...because I do everything I can to make people happy and not disappoint anyone. As a Christ follower, that can be a noble virtue, but also a deadly one. Recently I've found myself saying yes to all of the new opportunities coming my way and saying yes to all of the favors that are asked of me. Sometimes I really want to just say no, but something in me wont let me. I wont settle for being a mediocre person. I want to go above and beyond in everything I do. I want to win the affection of every person I meet. I want the people I encounter to be happy. And deep down, I know that I've been saying yes in an effort to find happiness for myself, too. But I'm burned out. I've broken down. And now let me share how my crazy week came to a close. Sometime last semester my AP Music Theory class thought it would be a good idea for me to go pick up Starbucks for everyone in the class. You see, I have an extended lunch period that is back to back with AP Music Theory. Another kid in the class had the same long lunch, and so with the two of us and a homeschool kid, we pulled off getting 16 drinks for the class. This week, we decided to do that again. People started bringing the money in, giving me their drink orders, and getting excited. The student who had the extended lunch no longer had it, and the homeschooled kid decided to give public school a try. I had no one to help me. However, I was still up for the challenge. On Thursday, two students came in to class and told me they had friends who wanted me to bring them drinks as well. My initial reaction was no, but I said I'd think about it, because we had the perfect amount of drinks to fill 4 drink trays. I saw their faces drop as they pulled out their phones to text their friends and tell them no, so I changed my mind. I said, "You know what? Yes. Let's do it. I'll do it." Because if 4 drink trays is already way too many for one person to handle, why not add two more drinks? And, hey, while we're at it...why not fill up the rest of the 5th tray? This was my thought process as I got drink orders from the other two music educators. 20 drinks/1 girl=good plan. I woke up on Friday expecting to go it alone. I genuinely thought I was going to pull it off. But as the day progressed, I got more and more worried and overwhelmed with the task at hand. I walked in to choir and sent out an SOS. Way faster and easier than I thought, I found two people with the extended lunch that were willing to help me (in exchange for coffee, of course). I'll even leave out the part where we spend 10 minutes looking for my car in the wrong parking lot (did I say it was a crazy week?). We made it to Starbucks, paid the $80.87, and waited for the drinks to be ready. We headed back to the high school and not a single drop from any of the drinks spilled (better than the first run). In the parking lot of the high school, as we're about to walk in to the school, one drink spills. I was the one who spilled it, and it was my drink. It's not a big deal, right? Just coffee. $4 or so wasted, but I'll live. I got over it pretty quickly, after all...I was doing what I was doing to serve others and not myself. But I was still pretty upset and mad at myself for it happening. Even before Friday happened I knew I wanted to write a blog about this and how it parallels my life, so once I realized that my drink spilling would be an interesting angle to take...I was almost content with how everything unfolded. Minutes before spilling the drink I was talking with my two helpers about how God really has His hand on even the smallest situations. We made it back to the classroom, awing everyone we passed in the hall. My choir teacher walked in to get his drink, and I told him about the tragedy that had just taken place. He asked me if I liked chai, and I knew that was what he ordered. I knew where he was going with this and I refused. He offered me his drink, but I told him no. That's not why I told him my story, and I really did want him to enjoy his drink. I fought back hard, but he wouldn't let me say no. Then he pulled out his wallet, and gave me money for the drink. He said that I went through the trouble to get it for him, and he wanted to pay me for it. I refused again, but he insisted. He said he liked the way it turned out even better this way. *cue me crying a lot* Tears of shock, thanks, and joy flooded my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. That was such an unexpected, kind gesture. It took me about 20 minutes after that to take the first sip, because I felt so uncertain about it. Despite being short 1 drink, all 20 of us came out of that room satisfied and happy. There is so much to learn from this. Recently in my life I've been overwhelmed. All of my trays are full, and I can't carry them all. Even though I'm already overwhelmed, I'm willing to take on and fill yet another tray. Something that's impossible to do alone. I reached out for help, finally...and without those friends things truly would have fallen apart. Being honest with people about your struggles and asking for help is a necessary part of life. We were built for community, and made to serve in community. I couldn't handle it on my own. I broke down, my drink spilled. Jesus doesn't just pick up our fallen cup and dust it off, He gives us a brand new cup. We have a new life in Him. And not only does He give us a new cup, but He replaces what was lost with a whole new drink. Our old self is gone and the new Spirit-filled self is here to take it's place. He doesn't do this just for free, He bought us, our new life, with a price. A price He didn't have to pay, but He wanted to. Because He liked it better that way. God is so good, and He really does care about the littlest things, His hand is on every situation. He orchestrates the tiniest of details...He is in control. So this is it, my hands are up, I'm waving my white flag. He is willing and able to carry every single tray, and I'm finally going to let Him hold it all. So much has been happeneing lately, and I'm excited to share with you some of the joys that have been coming my way, along with some of the pain that has been hindering my heart. In early November I made the decision to attend Toccoa Falls College in Toccoa, Georgia! I will be starting this August and I look forward to it every single day. I had the amazing opportunity to go to Future Scholars Weekend in November, and it was there that I made the decision to attend TFC. The students that went to FSW had the chance to attend chapel. The president of the college gave a talk about making decisions in life (pretty much talking about making a choice between colleges, while still making the talk relevant for everyone else), and gave advice and examples on how to hear from God/how to let the Holy Spirit guide your decision making. He shared an example of how scripture spoke to him, and that it's what led him to apply for the job at TFC, and it's what confirmed it for him. He wrapped up his talk with Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." That hit me right away, because Proverbs 3:5 is my senior quote (it would have been 3:5-6, but that was too long). In that moment I had so much peace with the decision to make Toccoa Falls College my home for 4 years, and I can't wait to begin my journey there as a Cross-Cultural Studies major. In October I went to yet another Tenth Avenue North concert, and they had a drawing where you could win a guitar signed by the band. I didn't think it was worth it, because I don't really win things...but my mom encouraged me to sign up so I did. I should mention, Future Scholars Weekend was a chance to get familiar with the school but also it was a competition for a full-ride scholarship. I got a call the Tuesday after the event: I wasn't the winner. The next day I got another call, from Palm Beach Atlantic University (the school where the founding members of Tenth Avenue North met and began their journey, also the school associated with the drawing for the guitar), I was the winner. A few weeks later I received the guitar in the mail, signatures and all (along with some merchandise and all 6 of their releases including 5 albumbs and Islands EP). Besides the cool factor of having a guitar signed by all 5 memebers of my favorite band, it's also super helpful and practical for me to have another guitar. I've been playing for two years now, and this year I began playing the guitar weekly on worship team. Having two guitars allows me to keep one at home and one at the church to limit the amount of transporting I need to do between home and church in these cold Wisconsin winter months. Praise God. This whole thing showed me that when disappointments come my way, it doesn't mean that God has forgotten about me...in fact, it means He has even greater things in store (well, if you consider a guitar greater than a full-ride...)! My best friend, Sydney, came to visit me last week! As you might know already, I met Sydney through the Guatemala trip. It was strange to see her in Wisconsin, and to see her in clean and normal clothes. We had a blast doing all sorts of winter activities and exploring things that are unique to Wisconsin. It was so encouraging to spend yet another week with her, and I cant wait for many, many more visits to come. Sydney and I clicked right from the beginning, but neither of us knew how close we would get. One thing that we always say is that we're the "same person". Frequently we will say the exact same thing at the same time, or one of us will say something and the other will exclaim that they were thinking the same thing. We commonly agree that the only difference between us (besides th country we call home) is that I'm the introverted version of her, and she's the extroverted version of me. Sometimes that causes a disconnect, but usually it creates a perfect balance that makes our friendship so successful. Sometimes it's hard during the Christmas season to embrace being an introvert. It's hard to be alone, simply because it's so busy and crazy, and it's also hard to be alone because so much longing happens during the holiday season. Longing for warmth, compainionship, and belonging. One thing I've been learning is to simply fully embrace who God has made me to be. He has made me unique in the way that I need a little extra alone time to catch my breath sometimes...probably because that allows me to spend some more time with Him. He's taught me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made...that there is no flaw in me. I am exactly who He intended me to be. One of my favorite analogies is that we are a slab of stone and God is continually chipping away all of the bad parts - any part that doesn't look like Jesus. He has made and continues to make us into His masterpieces. The title of this blog may have caught your attention, considering that this blog stems directly from the call that I have recieved to be a missionary. But actually, it's a song lyric...and yes, it's Disney. I have quickly and wholeheartedly fallen in love with the newest Disney movie "Moana" (I love it so much that I've seen it in the theater four times since it's release). The song that really introduces the heart of Moana is called "How far I'll go", and from the first time I heard it I connected to it in a special way. The song has two reprises...meaning it has three parts. Each one builds new emotion as it tells the story of Moana's adventure seeking soul. The exact lyric that goes along with the title of this blog appears in the last reprise of the song. In it's entirety, it cries: "And the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me". As someone who has struggled with knowing what I'm called to, and really trying to listen to the voice and direction of God...as someone who has flip flopped between majors and futures simply because I just didn't know what God was really calling me to...this lyric brought me so much comfort. The call to be a missionary belongs to everyone, in Matthew 28:19-20, also known as The Great Commisssion. For me, that call is intimate. It's a deep part of who I am. And this movie has been a big part of helping me embrace who God has made me to be. From my quirks to my uncertainties, God has called me...and that call lies within my soul and it defines who I am. The call to be a missionary is part of my heart, and I've been learning that no matter where this life takes me, whether it be overseas or in the states...I will always be a missionary and a warrior of the Gospel of jesus Christ. Lord, help me live a life worthy of the calling that you've placed upon my heart. P.S. There's still time to see Moana in theaters. I HIGHLY reccomend it to any and everyone. I am not opposed to seeing it a 5th or 6th time. Let me know if you're interested... Below is the song that has the lyric in it, although I recommend listening to all three parts. And all of the songs on the soundtrack. And the whole movie. One of my favorite songs, "Stars in the Night" by Tenth Avenue North (of course), has this lyric: "The life that lies ahead is more than all we leave behind". Depending on your perspective, this can be easy or hard to swallow.
When I first heard the song, about a two years ago, I was in a really good and hopeful place. I had gotten out from the hospital two months ago, and my life was only getting better. Thinking about those lyrics now is a lot different. So much has happened in these last two years...a lot of things that are hard to let go of. Two years ago I heard this song and I wholeheartedly believed that what was before me was better than my past, but now that I've had two really good years...is it true? Is what lies ahead more that all that is behind me? And that's the problem I've been facing. Since coming home from Guatemala this last July there's been a lot of things that I've been carrying with me. I've been bringing along good memories and good people, but I've also brought my burdens and heartbreak. I've been holding on so tightly to the good things that I haven't been able to let go of the bad things and move on from them. And, I haven't been able to open my eyes and see the future in front of me. I no longer trust that the life that lies ahead is more than what these last two years have held. Because my hands are full and I'm already overwhelmed with everything I'm juggling. Letting go is hard because you never know what's at the bottom of all that you're holding. Will old feelings resurface? Will the memories of some people hurt me? Is the potential for pain worth opening myself up to the potential for joy? Will I be able to let go of the hurt and heartbreak while still holding onto the things I hold so dearly? Let go and let God. You know what He holds in His hand? Me...and every last one of my tears. He knows my pain and heartbreak...He knows my longing to hold onto sweet memories and moments. He knows what's best for me. He has a plan, and He has so much in store for me that I can't even begin to fathom. He knows me best, better than I know myself...He knows just what I need to take with me to get me to the places He has destined for me. He's packing my luggage, filling up my car with gas, and booking the plane ticket. And He promises to travel with me. I've been driving on a bumpy road, the rear view mirror shows me a lot of beautiful things and a lot of broken things. I've come a long way, and God's been with me through all of it. I'm so thankful for where this road has taken me. But now it's time to trust God and finally take off. You steady me Slow and sweet we sway Take the lead and I will follow Finally ready now To close my eyes and just believe That you won't lead me where you don't go When my faith gets tired And my hope seems lost You spin me round and round And remind me of that song The one you wrote for me And we dance And we dance I've been told To pick up my sword And fight for love Little did I know That love had won for me Here in your arms You still my heart again And I breathe you in Like I've never breathed till now And I will lock eyes With the one who's ransomed me The one who gave me joy from mourning And I will lock eyes With the one who's chosen me The one who set my feet to dancing It's nice to know I'm not alone I've found my home here in your arms If you've been following my blogs from the beginning you might remember my healing story, and how attached to that was this new found call to dance. Now, I'm not a dancer and I don't particularly enjoy dancing. But, I also described in my early blogs that I had found a song that outlined a relationship with God centered around the idea of "dancing" with Him. The lyrics are above. But, what happens when I don't dance? When I don't dance physically or spiritually? What happens when I forget the closeness of my Savior and I stray...and try to dance to my own beat? Or maybe even the world's beat? Well, these past few weeks have been hard. With school in full swing and Guatemala fading into a distant memory...I really haven't been myself. Since coming off of medication, I've gone through some withdrawal...and now after 8 weeks of being home, my emotions are finally coming back to me. You see, antidepressants work in such a way that they lessen the sadness that you feel, while at the same time they don't allow you to feel any emotion to it's full extent. I'd spent the last 4 years telling myself when to feel joy, when I should feel sympathy, and when my heart should be broken. Despite the sadness over the last few years...I didn't cry that often, because I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to cry, even when sometimes I desperately wanted to. About 2 weeks ago the lack of medication caught up to me and I started to feel emotions, some emotions that I hadn't felt in a while...and all emotions to a much greater extent than I'm used to...which proved to be overwhelming. I spent a week constantly on the verge of tears, or crying. Sometimes for reasons I could identify....and sometimes for ones I couldn't. I would get overwhelmed and overflow (literally) with tears whenever I felt any emotion because I was so delicate. Emotions like embarrassment, curiosity, understanding, and confusion now brought me to tears. Happy ones and sad ones, but I always had tears welling up in my eyes. I was scared. Scared that I was getting depressed again. Scared that anxiety was coming back. Scared...because I haven't been "dancing" and that was part of the deal. Did I mention that my back has been acting up? God is real and faithful and He keeps His promises. He never fails me, even though my flesh is failing Him. I fell away from my commitment to honoring His ways and His heart in my life...and He showed me that I need Him. Without Him I have no joy, I have no hope, and I have no peace of mind. He is my antidepressant, prayer keeps my anxiety at bay, and dancing with Him brings constant healing. I've felt distant from God and sometimes I beg Him to come near, even though I know He's never left...but He felt far from me because I was walking away from Him. There's a pattern in my life of alignment and misalignment with God's heart. Guatemala is a place where it's easy to feel in tune with God's purposes, and high school is a place where it's easy to lose touch of God's desires. But the way that Jesus has prepared for me is better. Way better. "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21
Something my team got very familiar with on the trip was the term ATL. Starting at training camp, we practiced praying to God, and waiting for Him to reveal something profound to you. In Guatemala, we used this concept to guide our street ministry days, fully relying on God to reveal to us who we were to minister to that day. And it worked, every time.
I wanted to bring that concept into my everyday life back in the states...and I was unsure of how that would look. I realized, that with high school being a great place to reach out to those who don't have hope and faith in Jesus, I should use that platform for continuing doing ATL ministry. Today was the first day of school. Last night I prayed...and God revealed to me two specific colors. A dark turquoise and a muted hot pink. The plan was to find someone wearing those colors...I thought maybe a teal sweatshirt and a pink top, or something along those lines. I don't know how...but I didn't spend a single second looking for that person today. Even though last night and this morning I had my heart set on finding that person and speaking life to them as the Lord willed...I forgot to look. My eyes were open, but only to my own interests. I had completely forgotten to pay attention to the work God was doing. Even at lunch I was reminded of the task given to me, and I realized that I hadn't been looking because I spent the morning being only aware of myself. At lunch I started down this dramatic train of thought thinking things that weren't so nice about the classmates I had interacted with that day. I caught and stopped myself, and prayed for a fresh perspective...and that I would see all of these people the way that God sees them. I forgot to look for the girl that afternoon, despite the lunchtime reminder. I got home, and then I decided to go for a run. As I was lacing up my shoes all of this came back to me and I was thinking about how I had neglected God's purposes for that day...and how I screwed up and was too focused on myself. Then, I noticed...the colors of my running shoes are teal and pink...the same shades God had given to me. It made me think, what direction am I running in? Where have I fixed my eyes? I was convicted when I realized that I had been running in every direction other towards God today...and that instead of my eyes being fixed on Christ, they were focused on me. I ran my run with a new purpose...to run to the Lord and cling to Him in all circumstances. And then I realized...that I was the girl that I was looking for. I was the one with the dark turquoise and the muted hot pink. God had given me words in the moment that I saw my shoes...and that connection was not my own. I needed that gentle reminder that I had gotten off track...and that if I really want the ATL situation to work in a school setting, I need to be more focused on the Kingdom than I am about my own self and even my own education (within healthy limits). Yes, God has given me the role of being a student in this season, and I feel blessed to have the access to a quality education...but no matter what God's purposes and ways are greater than my own. And I will never lose in His eyes if I follow His calls and sacrifice selfishness. Here's to a Kingdom-focused school year. More of Him, less of me.
It was our last day of ministry. We spent the morning doing home visits. We started as a big group, and crammed all 27 of us into a small room to pray over a man afflicted with cancer. After that, our team split into two groups to make the rest of the home visits less chaotic. The group I was in went to about 10 homes that day...praying over families and singing songs to them. We were in a community where they spoke a lot of Kaqchikel, an indigenous language to mesoamerica, so it made talking with them hard. At some houses we had the translation going from an English speaker, to an English/Spanish speaker to a Spanish/Kaqchikel speaker, to who we were ministering to that spoke Kaqchikel. It was a really good last day of ministry, and it made the idea of our ministry days being done a lot harder. Sydney, Christy, Heather, Maggie, and I still got some french-fry ministry in that day, so it was okay. Later that day a handful of us were playing volleyball (with some beach balls that we later gave away to kids on the street). It was right before we left for dinner, so the majority of the team was congregating near the gate of our hotel. I noticed someone stop on the street and he was looking, quite confused, at all of us playing around, laughing, and having fun. I was talking to him (he spoke really good English) and explaining that we were missionaries. His name was Yonoton, it sounds like "Jonathon"...but that's not to be confused his name. I asked. It turns out he's from Israel and is traveling alone exploring Central and South America. His primary mode of transportantion was by foot, and he had been walking 20-30 kilometers a day (reminding us that the whole world is on the metric system, besides the US). I asked if he was a Jew, and he said that yes, by descent, but not by practice. He believed that there was a God...but didn't really have any sort of formal religion that he followed...and it was evident that he was hungry for truth. Yonoton was a very curious and inquisitive young man. He kept asking more questions about our mission trip and Christianity. At this point Sydney, Gavin, and Maggie had joined in on the conversation and the rest of the team left for dinner. We talked to Yonoton for probably around 20 minutes...explaining the different ministries we had done...but mostly explaining Christianity to him...by his own request. Once he understood that we were missionaries sharing the gospel with people, he asked if we tried to convert the people we minister to. We said, while still emphasizing that making disciples is super cool, that no, we don't focus on conversion...we focus on sharing the love of God with the people we come in contact with...and we trust that in that seeds are planted. Gavin explained, "It's not about getting a certain number of conversions every day...like 'oh, I got 3 people to accept Christ today so now I'm done'...it's about loving on them and sharing the gospel with them, while still allowing them to make their own decision whether or not to follow God." After sharing some good truth with Yonoton, we asked if we could pray for him. He reminded us that he was not a Christian...and he was surprised to find out that Christians can pray with non-Christians. Even though he was somewhere between 5-10 years older than us...his naivety was very fun to interact with. I asked his prayer requests, and then began to pray for his family and safe travels. I remember that it felt weird to pray for someone who could understand the prayer, because I was so used to praying for Spanish speaking people. Near the end of the prayer, he asked if we could pray for his friends too - and that was a really cool sign that he knew there was some substance to our prayer. Because as we prayed, he wasn't waiting for us to finish so he could move on with his journey, he genuinely desired the same power that was being prayed over him to be prayed over his friends...and that's really cool. When we were done praying, he thanked us, and we said that we would keep praying for him. He said, "Thanks, but I won't be praying for you...not that I don't like you...I just don't really do that." We left for dinner, us and him with happy hearts and happy faces. It was really good timing, because it made it clear to me that even though it was our last day of ministry...the ministry and the mission trip never really stop. We had the opportunity to continue pouring into people as a team, and all 4 of us were assured that God has so much more in store for us in the future. All people, like you and me, were created with a desire to love and know something way beyond ourselves. All people, like you and me, have a God-shaped hole (or vacuum, rather) in our hearts...longing to be filled and satisfied. Only God can fully quench the thirst in our hearts...the same thirst that Yonoton had for something more. Christ is enough for me. "To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ." Colossians 1:27-28
When we first arrived in San Pedro there was a rainbow waiting for us! This photo was taken on the roof of our hotel. Left to right: Sydney (Alberta, Canada), Logan (TX), Seth (MS), Gavin (MI), and me. Looking back on the trip, there's so many things to miss. I miss my teammates, of course. From the first night of training camp in Georgia we were noticeably the closest team (WOOOOOOOO!!!). And by the end of the trip we were undoubtedly a family. A month living together makes you close to people, sometimes closer than you'd like to be. But now I miss all the quirks of my teammates, from the idiosyncrasies to oversharing about bowel movements, and beyond. I miss the things that we did, like riding (standing up) in the back of trucks on our way to and from ministry, walking half a mile uphill just to get breakfast and dinner, and french-fry ministry (get excited for a blog on this soon!). I miss playing speed, sleeping outside in hammocks, and singing Spanish kid songs with the kids. I miss encouragement circles, prophesies, and worshiping together as a team every night. I miss always being able to see the mountains and volcanoes wherever I looked, and now I'm in Wisconsin where it is FLAT. One morning a few days after returning, I was really missing the Guatemalan way of life. The 2 1/2 weeks that we spent in San Pedro (where we practically hiked to get our food) we were served coffee at breakfast (praise the Lamb). They served the coffee with sugar, but no cream...but for the coffee connoisseurs on the team, that didn't phase them. I got used to drinking my coffee black, with an ungodly amount of sugar. I decided that I wanted to start drinking my coffee like that at home, so I ground up some of the coffee beans that I brought home, and I brewed myself a cup. I added my liberal amount of sweetness, and after one sip I decided that I didn't miss black coffee all that much after all. Cream is a luxury that I'm willing to embrace. That being said, there are some things that I don't miss. I don't miss the odd smells that linger in different parts of Guatemala. I don't miss clogged toilets, or needing to throw my toilet paper in a basket...and fishing it out of the toilet when I forgot. But there are still things that I miss, even if they aren't the most pleasant. I miss the scorpions, and the stray dogs roaming the streets, and cuddling in bed with Sydney when we both had intestine infections. I even miss the time when Maggie had to pay 3Q to use the bathroom on our way to dinner, because she was about to blow (she survived, I was a witness). It's sad, sometimes, to look back and realize that all those things are merely memories now. Yes, memories that I will hold onto for the rest of my life...but it's sad to know that I'm not living in those memories anymore. I am way beyond grateful to have had all of the experiences that I did, and it's fun to be home and to share all of my stories with my friends and family. If you'd like to see some of our crazy Guatemalan shenanigans in action, I encourage you to subscribe to Sydney Ruether on YouTube. She vlogged the entire trip, and the first two are up! I'll post more on here as they come, but for now...check them out! It's a fun way to see how our team interacted as we got closer and closer as the trip went on! First off - this blog post will be a continuation and addition to my blog that was posted on the Adventures in Missions website, titled "Inside and Out".
Please take a look before reading further - ambassador.adventures.org/post/inside-and-out1 |
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AuthorMy name is Alyssa Guzman, and I love to write. That being said, this blog isn't only to ease the curiosity of my supporters, I created it to benefit me...and to reflect on my experiences and build on the knowledge that I gained while serving in Guatemala...and to share the deep and meaningful stories with you, as well as the silly (and embarrassing) ones! |