One of my favorite songs, "Stars in the Night" by Tenth Avenue North (of course), has this lyric: "The life that lies ahead is more than all we leave behind". Depending on your perspective, this can be easy or hard to swallow.
When I first heard the song, about a two years ago, I was in a really good and hopeful place. I had gotten out from the hospital two months ago, and my life was only getting better. Thinking about those lyrics now is a lot different. So much has happened in these last two years...a lot of things that are hard to let go of. Two years ago I heard this song and I wholeheartedly believed that what was before me was better than my past, but now that I've had two really good years...is it true? Is what lies ahead more that all that is behind me? And that's the problem I've been facing. Since coming home from Guatemala this last July there's been a lot of things that I've been carrying with me. I've been bringing along good memories and good people, but I've also brought my burdens and heartbreak. I've been holding on so tightly to the good things that I haven't been able to let go of the bad things and move on from them. And, I haven't been able to open my eyes and see the future in front of me. I no longer trust that the life that lies ahead is more than what these last two years have held. Because my hands are full and I'm already overwhelmed with everything I'm juggling. Letting go is hard because you never know what's at the bottom of all that you're holding. Will old feelings resurface? Will the memories of some people hurt me? Is the potential for pain worth opening myself up to the potential for joy? Will I be able to let go of the hurt and heartbreak while still holding onto the things I hold so dearly? Let go and let God. You know what He holds in His hand? Me...and every last one of my tears. He knows my pain and heartbreak...He knows my longing to hold onto sweet memories and moments. He knows what's best for me. He has a plan, and He has so much in store for me that I can't even begin to fathom. He knows me best, better than I know myself...He knows just what I need to take with me to get me to the places He has destined for me. He's packing my luggage, filling up my car with gas, and booking the plane ticket. And He promises to travel with me. I've been driving on a bumpy road, the rear view mirror shows me a lot of beautiful things and a lot of broken things. I've come a long way, and God's been with me through all of it. I'm so thankful for where this road has taken me. But now it's time to trust God and finally take off.
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AuthorMy name is Alyssa Guzman, and I love to write. That being said, this blog isn't only to ease the curiosity of my supporters, I created it to benefit me...and to reflect on my experiences and build on the knowledge that I gained while serving in Guatemala...and to share the deep and meaningful stories with you, as well as the silly (and embarrassing) ones! |