I started off the week by writing down my schedule on a dry erase calendar...and I was exhausted just looking at the week ahead of me. I was booked with practices, volunteering, youth groups, coffee dates, and orthodontist appointments. And then I get to Monday night, and I get one of those messages where you have to just sit back and laugh at your life a little bit. "My sheep is having her babies right now, so if I'm not there tonight that's why." This is my third year leading the worship team at my local church. There have been many times when people aren't able to make it to practice. Usually it's because of homework, another commitment, family stuff, or even a haircut. I got an email Monday night and actually had a conversation with a band member about a sheep who was currently giving birth to twin lambs. Anyway, that's how my crazy week started. Over the past few months I've discovered something about myself...I really struggle to say no to people. In a way, I'm a people pleaser...because I do everything I can to make people happy and not disappoint anyone. As a Christ follower, that can be a noble virtue, but also a deadly one. Recently I've found myself saying yes to all of the new opportunities coming my way and saying yes to all of the favors that are asked of me. Sometimes I really want to just say no, but something in me wont let me. I wont settle for being a mediocre person. I want to go above and beyond in everything I do. I want to win the affection of every person I meet. I want the people I encounter to be happy. And deep down, I know that I've been saying yes in an effort to find happiness for myself, too. But I'm burned out. I've broken down. And now let me share how my crazy week came to a close. Sometime last semester my AP Music Theory class thought it would be a good idea for me to go pick up Starbucks for everyone in the class. You see, I have an extended lunch period that is back to back with AP Music Theory. Another kid in the class had the same long lunch, and so with the two of us and a homeschool kid, we pulled off getting 16 drinks for the class. This week, we decided to do that again. People started bringing the money in, giving me their drink orders, and getting excited. The student who had the extended lunch no longer had it, and the homeschooled kid decided to give public school a try. I had no one to help me. However, I was still up for the challenge. On Thursday, two students came in to class and told me they had friends who wanted me to bring them drinks as well. My initial reaction was no, but I said I'd think about it, because we had the perfect amount of drinks to fill 4 drink trays. I saw their faces drop as they pulled out their phones to text their friends and tell them no, so I changed my mind. I said, "You know what? Yes. Let's do it. I'll do it." Because if 4 drink trays is already way too many for one person to handle, why not add two more drinks? And, hey, while we're at it...why not fill up the rest of the 5th tray? This was my thought process as I got drink orders from the other two music educators. 20 drinks/1 girl=good plan. I woke up on Friday expecting to go it alone. I genuinely thought I was going to pull it off. But as the day progressed, I got more and more worried and overwhelmed with the task at hand. I walked in to choir and sent out an SOS. Way faster and easier than I thought, I found two people with the extended lunch that were willing to help me (in exchange for coffee, of course). I'll even leave out the part where we spend 10 minutes looking for my car in the wrong parking lot (did I say it was a crazy week?). We made it to Starbucks, paid the $80.87, and waited for the drinks to be ready. We headed back to the high school and not a single drop from any of the drinks spilled (better than the first run). In the parking lot of the high school, as we're about to walk in to the school, one drink spills. I was the one who spilled it, and it was my drink. It's not a big deal, right? Just coffee. $4 or so wasted, but I'll live. I got over it pretty quickly, after all...I was doing what I was doing to serve others and not myself. But I was still pretty upset and mad at myself for it happening. Even before Friday happened I knew I wanted to write a blog about this and how it parallels my life, so once I realized that my drink spilling would be an interesting angle to take...I was almost content with how everything unfolded. Minutes before spilling the drink I was talking with my two helpers about how God really has His hand on even the smallest situations. We made it back to the classroom, awing everyone we passed in the hall. My choir teacher walked in to get his drink, and I told him about the tragedy that had just taken place. He asked me if I liked chai, and I knew that was what he ordered. I knew where he was going with this and I refused. He offered me his drink, but I told him no. That's not why I told him my story, and I really did want him to enjoy his drink. I fought back hard, but he wouldn't let me say no. Then he pulled out his wallet, and gave me money for the drink. He said that I went through the trouble to get it for him, and he wanted to pay me for it. I refused again, but he insisted. He said he liked the way it turned out even better this way. *cue me crying a lot* Tears of shock, thanks, and joy flooded my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. That was such an unexpected, kind gesture. It took me about 20 minutes after that to take the first sip, because I felt so uncertain about it. Despite being short 1 drink, all 20 of us came out of that room satisfied and happy. There is so much to learn from this. Recently in my life I've been overwhelmed. All of my trays are full, and I can't carry them all. Even though I'm already overwhelmed, I'm willing to take on and fill yet another tray. Something that's impossible to do alone. I reached out for help, finally...and without those friends things truly would have fallen apart. Being honest with people about your struggles and asking for help is a necessary part of life. We were built for community, and made to serve in community. I couldn't handle it on my own. I broke down, my drink spilled. Jesus doesn't just pick up our fallen cup and dust it off, He gives us a brand new cup. We have a new life in Him. And not only does He give us a new cup, but He replaces what was lost with a whole new drink. Our old self is gone and the new Spirit-filled self is here to take it's place. He doesn't do this just for free, He bought us, our new life, with a price. A price He didn't have to pay, but He wanted to. Because He liked it better that way. God is so good, and He really does care about the littlest things, His hand is on every situation. He orchestrates the tiniest of details...He is in control. So this is it, my hands are up, I'm waving my white flag. He is willing and able to carry every single tray, and I'm finally going to let Him hold it all.
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AuthorMy name is Alyssa Guzman, and I love to write. That being said, this blog isn't only to ease the curiosity of my supporters, I created it to benefit me...and to reflect on my experiences and build on the knowledge that I gained while serving in Guatemala...and to share the deep and meaningful stories with you, as well as the silly (and embarrassing) ones! |